you are so stressed that you are clenching your teeth at night

It's time for you to leave for work, but you have to take a big dump

Submitted by my brother (although he didn't know he submitted it)

You pull a muscle trying to start your snow thrower

you realize that you are also one of the idiots

you realize you are surrounded by idiots

you think you ate a small amount of calories and then realize there were four servings

people don't know when to check your blog

you experience coprophagia

Someone tells you that they'll call...but they never do

Submitted by my cousin, "...you finally get your car washed and you pull out of the parking lot and a big fucking truck splashes your entire car"

you are the administrator for a program but are the only one who can't seem to access that program

people pronounce the game Mach Rider as if it were spelled Match Rider

Even the friendster site says that you are a loser

it is a travel day

People confuse someone's religious self identity with morality

The person who sits next to you takes ex lax and then eats a bunch of beans

An Old Navy commercial comes on

you are 13 and everyone thinks you are your mom when you answer the phone

you have to deal with insurance companies

people tell you that they'll "call you right back", but they wait for days

People lose sight of what is really important

No one leaves comments on your deep thoughts

You get woken up from a good nap by a political phone call

You take a leak on an electric fence

Movies about time travel do things that would create a huge paradox

You get your ass kicked by a little girl

You convince yourself that staining your own fence is a good idea

Your dog is smarter than you

You sit on a toilet only to find that the plunger is still in it

There are no toilets available in the bathroom